At least we still wipe down the wine bottles....
I’ve been under house arrest for about nine months now. In the beginning, it was stricter, but it’s still no fun. I’m only allowed to go to a very few essential places of business such as a wine store, gas station, pharmacy or golf course.
Fortunately, I don’t have to wear an ankle bracelet. I did at the beginning, but I took it off almost immediately because I believe as an American it is my choice whether or not to wear one of those cumbersome devices. It’s sort of a lot like the face mask issue. I choose to wear a face mask, but not an ankle bracelet.
Today, most of my dwindling net worth is invested in Hand Sanitizer futures with 80% alcohol. You simply can’t have enough of that. My hands have never been so clean.
I tried some of that other stuff we’ve been hearing about. It’s said to kill 99.9% of germs. That, of course opens up the issue of what type of germs are in the 0.1% that it does not kill? People tend to minimize that type of statistic. Not me. That’s easy to do till you become a victim of the remaining 0.1%. Right now for extra protection against that 0.1% I’m also injecting Murphy’s Oil Soap directly into a vein in my right arm three times daily. I’ve always been attracted to the pleasant odor of that product. A possible side benefit is this could help to lower my cholesterol.
Often, I send my wife into dangerous places like a grocery store. She’s 20 days younger than I am, therefore not as vulnerable from an elderly standpoint. She also spends less money at stores than I do. At the beginning of our house arrest, we would use some of our Wipes to go over the food, car keys, door knobs, light switches, steering wheel, garage opener, refrigerator door handle and countertops where all the stuff was set aside if only for a few minutes. Lately, we’ve relaxed that a bit and now just make sure to wipe off the wine bottles.
Something else we often clean off whenever we have been to a store is change such as dollar bills or quarters. This has led me to have an unusually large amount of guilt. I confess to readers and all others who spend their time more productively that I am engaged in money laundering. Richard Nixon became famous for looking into a TV camera and announcing for all the world to hear, “I am not a crook.” I wish I could say that, but money laundering is against the law. I feel terrible that I have allowed myself to head down such a slippery slope. At least I can spend the rest of my home detention knowing my conscience is now as clean as my hands.
I have to go now. It’s time to wash my hands again. You never know. One of those 0.1% germs may have found its way onto my keyboard. Also, it’s time for my morning injection of Murphy’s Oil Soap. It’s like a flu shot. Sometimes you don’t feel so good after you’ve done it. But, you know in the long run, you’ve done something good to both help yourself and others.
DY: In Just a Few Words is a blog that comes out when something needs to be said or every Tuesday - whichever comes first. Davis Young is a communications professional who adds 50+ years of experience and perspective to issues of the day. His emphasis in DY: In Just a Few Words will be humor (a touch of sarcasm here, a pinch of facetiousness there...). Once in a while, he will touch on something a bit more serious - but hopefully not too deep or depressing.
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