I should be so lucky.
Did you watch the Golden Globes awards the other night?
I did, but not for long. It held my interest about as much as Georgia’s 65-7 beatdown in the College National Championship game. Yawn.
Let's be honest.... Awards show acceptance speeches tend to be exercises in self-importance, when winners think we are hanging on their every word and opinion during their 15-second time allotment.
Would that it were 15 seconds. In some cases it seems more like 15 minutes. So, in that spirit, I thought I would share some remarks I have on file to use the next time somebody wants to give me an award on national television. Hey, it could happen. Never give up hope.
Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you so much. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I am so humbled. I’ve stood on the shoulders of many people who have helped me reach this pinnacle of achievement. I would never have walked on the road to greatness, to say nothing of the Red Carpet, were it not for my second grade teacher, Mrs. Nickels. It was her inspiration for me to play the role of Mr. Goop in that classic children's production of Oops the Goops. She worked with me for hours upon hours so that the audience could understand what I was saying, despite some dental contraption I was forced to wear at an early age.
But, I wasn’t fully committed to a career in the arts yet. I was still playing Little League baseball and would go to sleep each night dreaming of putting on the pinstripes of the New York Yankees. I finally worked up the courage to ask Coach Winner if he thought I should give up the piano and focus 100% on baseball. He looked me straight in the eye and said, I’ve never heard you play the piano, but I have seen you play baseball. I think you should continue with the piano. Turns out that’s the best advice I ever got. So, in Coach Winner’s honor, I am tonight establishing a piano scholarship to be given annually to a young person with the courage to pursue piano instead of baseball. I sensed I wasn’t going to be a Yankee anytime soon, but I hadn’t wanted to disappoint my coach. He gave me the courage to say yes to music. Thank you, Coach. He’s sitting right over there at my table. Give us a wave, Coach, so everyone knows you.
Excuse me for a moment, I see somebody just offstage holding up a sign saying I am two minutes over my allotted time.
OK, OK. Just a few more acknowledgements and I’ll be done.
We had a wonderful man in my first neighborhood. Mr. Odds was his name. When I was 12, he hired me to mow his lawn each summer week. He had a lot of grass and a mower I wouldn’t wish on an enemy. He paid me two dollars every time and, more importantly, Mr. Odds taught me the value of money. Two dollars for a big lawn was the bargain of the year. Everything I have in the bank today I owe to the influence of his innate cheapness.
Excuse me again. Every time you hold up a sign saying I am way over my allotted time you detract from my attention and therefore make me use even more time.
If I may, one more shout out. This one's for Mr. Harry Harmony, a longtime director of our church choir. Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. Thank you, Jesus.
But, I digress....
So, thank you again Golden Globes. You have been a great inspiration to me as I’ve spent a large part of my life working toward this moment tonight. Mom and Dad - you get all the credit for my success. Thanks, Dad, for helping me get through Cub Scouts. And, thank you, Mom, for all those wonderful homemade cookies. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to....
At this point I assume they would bring out some type of large hook and also take my microphone away.
What kind of nice people would do that in the middle of me thanking my mom? I hadn’t even gotten to my elementary school girlfriend yet....
DY: In Just a Few Words is a blog that comes out when something needs to be said or every Tuesday - whichever comes first. Davis Young is a communications professional who adds 50+ years of experience and perspective to issues of the day. His emphasis in DY: In Just a Few Words will be humor (a touch of sarcasm here, a pinch of facetiousness there...). Once in a while, he will touch on something a bit more serious - but hopefully not too deep or depressing.
This blog is a product of DY Author & Speaker LLC. Feel free to quote content with attribution. Respond. Agree. Disagree. Share the content with your friends. Heck - even invite him as a speaker for your group! Enjoy!