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  • Writer's pictureDavis Young

DY: In Just a Few Words (#20)

We all need a Maxine.

White House: Good morning and thank you for calling the White House. Please listen carefully as our menu has changed. For President Biden, dial 1. For Vice President Harris, dial 1¾, not her former extension 2, as she is rising quickly. For former President Trump, dial extension 2024. As for the Trump children, well their phones have been cancelled. And, for Dr. Fauci and our new Vaccines For Everyone program, please dial MASKUP (or 627587).

Me: {Dials MASKUP}

White House: Thank you for calling our amazing new Vaccines For Everyone program! Maxine the Queen of Vaccines here. How may I help you? But please keep in mind this is the White House and no one person can ever truly help you. It takes a village, a committee and a task force to get anything done around here.

Me: Is there anybody in this morning I can talk with about getting an appointment for a vaccination? I tried and tried to book one online. My computer exploded after three hours of constantly hitting refresh and now I need wrist surgery.

White House: Perhaps I can be of some assistance after all, sir. I see you have been holding for several hours and we apologize for this “short” delay. We’re very proud to introduce you to our newest initiative to benefit all Americans. Okay, we have hit a few bumps in the road, but we are now able to offer you a multitude of options - color-coded no less - from which to choose. First, we have Pfizer in blue and Pfizer in pink, also known as shots one and two. We have Moderna in orange and green. And, Johnson & Johnson in one color…..yellow. An off-shoot of the J & J is a very attractive lavender vaccine produced in cooperation with Merck. And, of course, we are busy developing a variety of other colors for the new variants. So, lots of good choices. Which would you like and how many?

Me: No preference. Like the experts say, I’ll take the one I can get. What do you recommend?

Whte House: We think they’re all good, but I’m sure you can appreciate it’s just not as simple as saying send me two Pfizers and one Moderna. Unfortunately, supply lines are a tad clogged at the moment. You wouldn’t expect perfection, would you? We are the government, after all. Like I said before - a few small bumps in the road. If you live in the far northwest corner of Idaho, for example, a late winter blizzard is holding up all deliveries. In Texas, the big storm cut off power to our COVID vaccine distribution center. Mudslides in California have made it nearly impossible for UPS and FedEx to make deliveries. And, on and on it goes. The best thing I can tell you is to get a good wrist brace, a new computer, and an army of friends and family to help. Then think local and just keep hitting refresh till you find something. If you can’t get a vaccine, settle for high powered Tylenol. I hope that helps.

Me: Wait. Please don’t hang up. I need more information. Tell me more.

White House: I’m sorry sir. This is all of the information I am allowed to release. The rest of the report has been redacted. Thank you for calling the White House. You have been speaking with Maxine the Queen of Vaccines. Please remain on the line to take a brief survey about your satisfaction with our Vaccines For Everyone program.

If for any reason you are unable to find a local vaccine resource within six months, please contact us again.

P.S. Some blog readers may think COVID-19 is heading for the exit, but it’s not there yet. My daughter and blog editor, Tracy, tested positive just last Friday after spending the last year taking a ton of precautions. This thing is everywhere.

Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Watch your distance. We are almost there!


DY: In Just a Few Words is a blog that comes out when something needs to be said or every Tuesday - whichever comes first. Davis Young is a communications professional who adds 50+ years of experience and perspective to issues of the day. His emphasis in DY: In Just a Few Words will be humor (a touch of sarcasm here, a pinch of facetiousness there...). Once in a while, he will touch on something a bit more serious - but hopefully not too deep or depressing.

This blog is a product of DY Author & Speaker LLC. Feel free to quote content with attribution. Respond. Agree. Disagree. Share the content with your friends. Heck - even invite him as a speaker for your group! Enjoy!

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Mar 09, 2021

Here's to a quick recovery for Tracy - sorry to hear she tested positive!


Mar 09, 2021

So sorry to hear about Tracey. Yes, we all need to continue precautions.

And you didn't even mention Texas and Miss deciding it's time to open back up -- everything. Good thing you're in Fla and not there.

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